taco bell airbnb

Photo via Taco Bell/Airbnb

No thanks.

Taco Bell is known for taking shithole towns and putting them on the map with publicity stunts. Who could forget that time the company flew 10,000 tacos to Bethel, Alaska, instead of granting job-seekers employment and just building a fucking location and letting the franchise make its mark in a community with a 16 percent unemployment rate?

Rather than learning from its mistake, Taco Bell has instead decided to run for the border. It’s partnered with Airbnb to give one grand prize winner and three friends the chance to stay at its Chatham-Kent, Ontario location.

The contest is open to anyone living in Canada except Quebec citizens because fuck separatists or something. Taco Bell pulled out half the stops to make a fast-food joint inhabitable. There are two bunk beds, a couch and comfy chairs, and all the ambiance and smells of a $5 box. It’s all part of Taco Bell’s grand plan to introduce Canadians (but presumably not Quebecois) to the steak doubledilla.

You may be asking yourself, “The doubledilla? Is that the same thing as the double steak quesadilla? Hasn’t this shit already been on the market?” The answer is yes, no, and yes. If it weren’t for Doritos, Taco Bell would be a bland wasteland of recycled gimmicks. The doubledilla differs from the double steak quesadilla because Taco Bell said so. I think it has creamy jalapeño sauce.

This contest is open from now until, I shit you not, “Monday, Octob(PHONE NUMBER HIDDEN) at 11:59 AM EDT.” Airbnb’s autofilled text fucked up the legal jargon Taco Bell couched in the listing after cute little asides like no double-dipping and “don’t feed the Taco Bell Butler.” Who knows how long you have to win this short-term rental?

The date of stay is Oct. 17. It’s just one night. If you can get through that and stomach a steak doubledilla, you can probably get through anything.

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