Les Moustaches de Salvador | Flickr - Photo Sharing!
Insert your favorite “mustache ride” joke here.

Look, we’ll be honest: We’re pretty mad we didn’t think of this first. Perhaps we were too busy grooming our own mustaches to consider the possibilities of premium silicone, and now we’ve paid the price.

Sex-accessory site Screaming O has invented a vibrating mustache toy.

The MustachiO™, a disposable device, can be worn by anyone, whether they’re too young or lack the right hormones for mustache growth or just want to augment the facial hair they already have. It “features a single-speed motor with a convenient on/off switch and a fancy strap to keep it securely in place” and has more than 30 minutes of battery life—at $13.95, that’s less than $2 per minute of mustachioed pleasure!

Unfortunately, there are no user reviews online as yet, which means it’s all the more incumbent upon you—yes you, sitting right there, hello—to buy a few and get experimental. You could throw a party in which everyone is required to wear one, or just set it buzzing on your face while you ride public transit. As the ad copy assures us, they make “every sexual encounter into an elegant affair,” but why limit yourself to the bedroom? With these finely sculpted handlebars, available in both black and pink, you’re prepared for almost any occasion. Especially that audition to become the new Pringles mascot.  

Photo by Kay Harpa/Flickr

Promoted Stories Powered by Sharethrough
Unclick
This Facebook page wants you to send a sex toy to Putin
There’s a new Facebook protest page devoted to Russia’s current crusade against its LGBT community, and there’s a call to action: Send a Dildo to Vladimir Putin.
sex
Teen speaks out against her school's sexist sex ed program on Facebook
If you’ve ever perused teen sex questions on Yahoo Answers, you know the state of sexual education in this country is extremely dire. Apparently, the crappiness of sex ed programs also extends to Singapore, where one teenage girl wrote a Facebook post eviscerating her school’s family values-based sex education curriculum for perpetuating dangerous and inaccurate gender stereotypes.
Group

Pure, uncut internet. Straight to your inbox.

Thanks for subscribing to our newsletter!