martin shkreli

Photo via @MartinShkreli/Twitter

The opportunity of a lifetime.

Many have commented on the eminent punchability of Martin Shkreli’s face, which has not gone unnoticed by the “pharma douche” himself. Hence his offer to be punched (or slapped) in the face by the highest bidder.

You might see this as yet another shameless attempt by Shkreli to stay in the social media spotlight—since being arrested on charges of securities fraud, he has torn the media apart with a spam email chain, picked fights with comedian Patton Oswalt, and vowed to resurrect Harambe—and you know what? You’d be right. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bid.   
On second thought, it’s likely Shkreli would keep any punch money for himself; that’s his style, after all. You’d need a mountain of contracts and a team of lawyers to hold him to his word. And really, shouldn’t he just give some of his allegedly considerable wealth directly to the kid in question?
But even weighing these many suspicions... could it still be worth it?
OK, well: It’s one thing to slide into this guy’s DMs and offer outrageous sums for the honor of caving his face in with the hairiest haymaker you can muster, quite another to actually part with the cash and hear what kind of lame-ass rules he has for the hit itself. Sorry for your loss, Marty, but if the day ever comes where we slap you silly, we’re going to do it for free. 

Update 12:48pm CT, Sept. 28: Could UFC heavyweight champion Stipe Miocic get in on the action? Let's hope so.

Update 2:06pm CT, Sept. 29: Evidently that $78,000 bid didn't hold up, because Shkreli has declared that a woman named Katie won the face-punching auction by pledging $50,000, which Shrkeli claims he'll match.
We've reached out to Katie to confirm these details and, ideally, will soon have video of her doling out some sweet jabs.
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This fake Martin Shkreli email chain has destroyed journalism as we know it
Late Thursday night, a group of about 450 journalists received what appeared to be yet another annoying press release. The only upside was that it concerned Martin Shkreli, the infamous jerk who hiked an AIDS drug price by 5,000 percent. He's had his share of headlines this past year, having been arrested on securities fraud charges and purchased a million-dollar Wu-Tang Clan album limited to a single pressing.
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