Inside the mind of a Hot Pocket fornicator: @VersacePopTarts speaks

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Going deep inside the mind of Twitter's most perverse folk hero. 

Since @VersacePopTarts, or Thot Pocket, made headlines for getting suspended from Twitter after having sex with a Hot Pocket, everyone on the Internet had three questions: a) “why the f**k would you do that?!?!”, b) “why the f**k would you do that?!?!”, and c) “how long did you microwave it for?”

Fortunately, the folks at First We Feast discovered the answers to all three. In his first-ever interview, the 18-year-old from New Hampshire provided us with a tantalizing glimpse into the mind of the world’s (second) most infamous pastry fornicator. Here are some of the highlights:

The inspiration behind the Hot Pockets stunt: Thot Pocket first made waves on the Internet with his first Twitter account, @pizzaminati, until “all these large-ass accounts” stole his tweets. He decided to post the Vines of himself having sex with a Pop-Tart and a Hot Pocket to retaliate against “these people giving me mad hate.”

He has a professional rivalry with the guy who had sex with a Domino’s pizza. When asked about his peer in pastry-plowing, Thot Pocket said he’d heard of him, but “there’s no proof” that he actually did the deed. I smell a Twitter feud!

His first stunt as @VersacePopTarts: The “Please Please Me” of Thot Pocket’s career, compared to the “White Album” of his Hot Pocket stunt? Posing with a bottle of Hennessy in front of his penis. He also glued pubes to his face, apparently.

He used a condom. “ I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot. I put it in the fridge for a little bit and I was like, “Dude, I’m gonna have to use a condom if I’m gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.” He then put the Hot Pocket in the microwave “for, like, four minutes, I think.”

It was a ham and cheese Hot Pocket. Why ham-and-cheese? “Um, it [was] just the only one” available at the convenience store at the time.

Shockingly, he works in the—wait for it—food services industry. The man who became famous for having intercourse with a range of food stuffs handles food on a daily basis: he currently works as a grill chef at a seafood restaurant. But don’t call the sanitary department just yet, New Hampshire-ites: He says he’s never given the fish and chips the Hot Pocket treatment.

The one pastry that’s off-limits: Apparently, Thot Pocket has a soft spot in his heart for flapjacks: “I would never defile pancakes like that.”

H/T First We Feast | Photo by Belldog/Flickr (CC BY NC - SA 2.0)

This Hot Pockets music video with Snoop Lion and Kate Upton is conceptually insane
Just when all the buzz over Chipotle’s Pixar-ish polemic against industrial farming had begun to subside, we get this on YouTube: a simply jaw-dropping music video epic about the microwaveable semi-food known as Hot Pockets, with a cast featuring Kate Upton, Snoop Dogg, Oliver Cooper, Bow Wow, and KevJumba. Oh, and Larry King.
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