Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Girl rejects boy out of hand, despite the fact that he’s a “nice guy.”
If you’re familiar with the real life trope of fedora-wearing “nice guys” demonizing women who refuse to date them, then you probably already know the drill. But trust us, once you hear the details, you’ll be cringing even more.
They began innocently enough: “Are you the kitty who works at hot topic?”
Screencaps via pimpunderthemountain/Tumblr
Of course, he’d had to track her down through a friend of a friend because they didn’t actually know each other, but unfortunately that wasn’t the creepiest part.
"So here is what I have been thinking,” he wrote, when she stopped replying to his messages. “You haven't blocked me yet. And you haven't deleted your account either. So you aren't too creeped out by me tracking you down."
Pro tip: Just because someone doesn’t literally delete their Facebook account, doesn’t necessarily mean they want to talk to you.
His next move was likely motivated by a perfect storm of Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotypes, an image he’d somehow managed to cobble together from just a couple of minutes interacting with Kitty at her retail job.
“Now I'm not expecting much but here is what I think. You are beautiful... And a geek. You are a real life version of Felicia Day or Chloe Dykstra. If you were a fictional character you would be Ramona Flowers... I'm not much but I would worship you.”
Needless to say, Kitty did not respond well to this. In fact, she replied with a brilliantly impassioned rant that perfectly sums up the feeling of every nerdy or “alternative” girl who’s been objectified by someone who’s seen too many indie movies.
“Listen, buddy. You don't know me. You don't know anything about me, and from the obliviousness I've witnessed here I doubt you'd know your ass from a hole in the ground. I'm not your Felicia Day, I'm not your Ramona Flowers. I'm not your manic pixie dream girl. I'm an actual, real live human being and you've had a single five minute conversation with me. You can take your little nerd-girl fantasies you've so thoughtfully projected on me and shove them right back into the box of tired, worn out Hollywood tropes you pulled them out of.
“And one last thing to leave you with, bucko. If you have to tell someone you're a nice guy, you're doing something wrong. Or you're not actually a nice guy, you're a pushy fucking creep living in a fantasy world where girls fit whatever cute little mold you decide they should."
Of course, this whole scenario is such a perfect example of entitled, fedora-wearing douchebaggery that many people suspect it of being a hoax. But then again, the fedora-wearing douchebag is a stereotype for a reason. To the doubters, Kitty says: “This might be the funniest thing about the entire debaucle [sic] because I have seen people crying ‘fake’ all over the internet and I don’t blame you.”
“[W]hen he literally fucking said ‘I’m a nice guy’ I was sitting there on the couch like ‘No way. No way did he actually say it do people like this even exist. it was pretty perfect. it was like TOO perfect, so it cracks me up that people are thinking it’s fake because tbh I would too if it hadn’t happened to me.”
Photo via wboessen/Flickr (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)