HeTexted crowdsources the meaning of your text messages

Need help cracking a vague text message? This website is here to help. 

Modern day advice columnists beware, there’s a new Dear Abby in town. Well, more like @DearAbby and she’s more like “virtually in town” and there’s like 500 of her—all chomping at the virtual bit to dissect your text messages. Same idea, though!

Text messages: officially the world’s worst form of communication (Morse Code was more direct!) that have taken over our day-to-day interactions. Even Twitter can afford you more privacy, so arguably, texts have become the phone call’s cooler, more sexy younger sister. This isn’t a good thing.

Now, a new website that goes by the name HeTexted (Wait, don’t women also send confusing text messages, or are we just more “likely” to read into them?) has popped up, crowdsourcing the vaguest of communications into three distilled answers: “He’s Into You”, “He’s Not Into You”, and “The Verdict Is Still Out”.


“Verdict Is Still Out” is apparently the “Maybe?” of the bunch—making it as useless as the texter himself.

Despite the power of the hivemind, sometimes the simplest texts are still the hardest to decipher:

HeTexted Heyyyy

Why don’t you call him and ask? Or show up at his house.

Is puking really hot right now?
I’m not a huge fan of the “funny puke.” I think the word “puke” is pretty funny, along with the synonyms for puke, including “vomit,” “spew,” “ralph” (WHO IS RALPH?), “hurl,” and by far the funniest iteration: “barf.” But the humor of vomit is in name only. There is no puke humor I can think of in the past 10 or so years that was actually amusing. And when someone pukes on screen, I find it so utterly repulsive that no form of falling in said puke, swimming in said puke or...
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