Former Texas governor and recently announced 2016 presidential candidate Rick Perry released a curious video on YouTube over the weekend.
Watching the minute-long cartoon, it’s hard not come away with a few questions.
- Are you high?
- Seriously though, are you high? Last year you advocated for giving states the ability to decriminalize marijuana. Polls show a majority of Americans support full-scale legalization, so it probably wouldn’t be a campaign-killer if you were high.
- Were you going for Mystery Science Theater 3000 or for Beavis & Butthead?
- The marquee outside the movie theater is for a movie called Stop Hillary Clinton, but the attacks on Hillary’s record come during the “Previews of Coming Attractions” section. Was the sign outside the theater advertising the previews?
- Was there a preview for a different movie about stopping Hillary from becoming president playing before the movie about stopping Hillary from becoming president that Hillary was intending to see?
- If there are that many upcoming movies about stopping Hillary from becoming president, wouldn’t it better to find an angle that’s a little different?
- Superhero movies are really hot right now. Why not make a sequel to your dark, brooding 2012 blockbuster in which you were a superhero battling the evil forces of Obama‘s lackluster job-creation record?
- Why would Hillary willingly go see a movie dedicated to attacking her?
- Was George W. Bush first in line to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in theaters?
- Did Bush see Fahrenheit by himself, like Hillary in your video, or did he take Cheney? Or did the three of you make a night of it?
- Are you suggesting that Hillary is chasing the ironic hipster vote by depicting her seeing a terrible movie just to make fun of it?
- Aren’t those hipsters the same demographic you’re trying to attract with these cool new glasses?
- How’s that indictment for abusing your power as governor of Texas going?
- On a scale of zero to Texas-sized, how much self-confidence does it take to mount a run for president while under indictment?
- If you took a really deep breath, how long do you think you could yell the word “Benghazi“?
- On a scale of zero to Texas-sized, how closely will the GOP primary debates resemble you yelling “Benghazi” for a really long time?
- Do you think you could beat Ted Cruz at arm wrestling?
- What about a foot race?
- Connect Four?
- Coyote shooting?
- If you could eliminate three federal government agencies, which ones would you pick?
- A recent Fox News poll has you tied with literal laughingstock Donald Trump for the GOP nomination, with each of you at four percent. Is your Hillary video a cry for help? Do you want to get high and commiserate?
Photo by Gage Skidmore/Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)