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Top 10 profile mistakes women make

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Last week I wrote about the top 10 online dating profile mistakes men are making (excepting profile names and photos—those are big enough balls of wax to tackle separately!). Now, as promised, I will unveil the unattractive profile traits of women everywhere.

The truth is, though, I have to say it was a lot more challenging to find women making mistakes (sorry, dudes). Perhaps it’s because we’re all “natural communicators” who work in publishing, advertising and marketing? Or because we’ve read a few magazine articles about how to online date... Either way, you gals are good. Too good, in fact.

My main issue with the hundred profiles I read was that they all sounded the same. I had no idea I was sharing San Francisco with so many like-minded women. Why on earth aren’t we all BFFs?

And more importantly, how is a guy supposed to pick you from the pack when you say something like, “I’m a friendly, outdoorsy gal who loves wine, good food, traveling and conversation!”

What single girl doesn’t that describe?

Let’s let this observation launch us right into my list of top 10 mistakes women are making in their online dating profiles.

1) DON'T sound like everyone else.

“Things to know about me: I am easy going and enthusiastic, curious and passionate, warm and loving, love to laugh but can also be serious. I am really into cooking and getting better everyday! I am happiest out in nature, always up for new adventures and meeting new people.”

Point taken? I hope so.

2) DON'T be prejudiced in your profile.

“You should message me if you're tall and can make me laugh.”

Here’s a little secret: non-tall people are great too. In fact, short guys are probably better than the vertically gifted because they haven’t had girls falling at their feet every 10 seconds. Get over your tall fetish, or you may be single forever.

3) DON'T quote fictional TV characters.

"i don't want to hurt you. but i'll tell you what i do want. i want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. and i want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when i'm watching lost. and i want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. i want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like i do. i want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn disney prince. and i want him to genuinely like me, even when i'm old. and that's what i want." - liz lemon

Um, yikes. This is something that you should share and laugh about with your girlfriends—NOT on OkCupid. Perfect doesn’t exist. Get out of your fictional head and into real life.

4) DON'T be cynical.

 “What I’m doing with my life: Insert impossibly grandiose and pretentious accomplishments here commonly found on dating profiles ____________________. I.E. Former olympic gold medalist and part time model, whose multiple charities work to save starving orphans in africa, whilst somehow finding the time to manage 3 tech start ups, and train for world cups next year (and somehow still single?)”

Funny, but don’t do it. This says nothing about you, except that you refuse to play by the rules and might also have a chip on your shoulder. Talk about what you are doing instead of poking fun at others.

5) DON'T be overly enthusiastic (or simple minded).

 “I’m really good at socializing and having fun are my favorite things!”

 “The first things people usually notice about me: I'm happy and I like smiling a lot!”

Are you a Disney princess? If not, why don’t you add a bit of depth and detail. It goes a long way.

6) DON'T undersell yourself.

 “What I’m doing with my life: Wow. This is a tough one to answer. Right now, I just want to be happy with someone. Yes, I want to travel the world, speak 20 different languages, run 10 companies, but I'm not that exciting. I like the simple things in life. A family, friends, and close neighbors.”

Don’t talk about what you don’t do—what a waste of online real estate! It’s OK to not speak multiple languages, but not OK to sound like you wish you were someone else. Remember: self-love leads to romantic love.

7) DON'T be lazy.

 “My self summary: We're going to meet and fill this out together.”

I’m going to be lazy here so you see how annoying it is.

8) DON'T list everything you like.

"she & him, neutral milk hotel, jacques brel, bright eyes, grateful dead, nina simone, billie holiday, sarah vaughn, tom petty, the breeders, johnny cash, eric clapton, the church, allman brothers, arcade fire, bauhaus, blondie, catherine wheel, air, the creatures, babyland, at the drive-in, bjork, the beach boys, blutengel, built to spill, the clash, the cure, the chemical brothers, the doors, depeche mode, the velvet underground, david bowie, brian eno, blur, takling heads, george harrison, louis xiv, joy division, dave matthews, dramarama, dead low tide, the dwarves, dresden dolls, flock of seagulls, girls under glass, guided by voices, duran duran, echo & the bunnymen, a-ha, herbie hancock, hot hot heat, husker du, indigo girls, 999, death cab for cutie, the damned, dj shadow, interpol, iron maiden, j masics, jetrho tull, jawbreaker, guns n roses, jurassic 5, kitchens of distinction, kmfdm, the lemonheads, madness, mahavishnu orchestra, versus, march violets, the killers, keane, kraftwerk, cindi lauper, maxeen, modern english, natalie merchant, mono, the moody blues, ministry, modest mouse, morrissey, the motels, murder city devils, muse, project pitchfork, my life with the thrill kill kult, the sounds, new york dolls, nada surf, nosferatu, social distortion, new order, culture club, the rave-ups, aztrec camera, spandau ballet, madness, big country, pet shop boys, psychadelic furs, the posies, portishead, the pixies, pelican, the raincoats, the ramones, reverend horton heat, django reinhardt, santana, scandal, the shins, sex pistols, shudder to think, vue, the smiths, sleep, siouxie & the banshees, sisters of mercy, sleater-kinney, smashing pumpkins, the specials, stellastarr*, sonic youth, sparta, spinal tap, the stone roses, the stranglers, split enz, the strokes, the sugarcubes, the sundays, swervedriver, traffic, tenacious d, the the, tears for fears, tool, unwound, varnaline, weather report, tom waits, the who, x, wolfsheim, elvis costello, the police, weezer, billy idol, negativeland...the list goes on and on…"

WTF? I get it, you like EVERY BAND that ever existed. Is this some weird way to get people to your profile page with keywords? Drop the SEO act and get editing.                                                                                                         

10) DON'T say you're lonely.

“Wouldn't mind adding new and funny men into my life - friend or date just the same. This grey bay is a bit lonely, duh.”

Sad trombones. Lonely isn’t attractive. Take things up a notch on the enthusiasm scale.

There you have it. As I told the guys, you have nothing to lose by following my advice—only dates to gain! May you meet many, many hot guys in the near future.

Image by Kheel Center, Cornell University/Flickr