Beth Cook is a personal coach and writer. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.
Turning into an online dating monster? Time to take a break.
When one joins or re-joins an online dating site, there is an initial flurry of excitement and nerves. “Who will I meet here?? What should I write?!”
The world seems ripe with possibility, and so does your inbox. Being new also works in your favor: fresh online blood gets moved to the top of search results—you are easily discoverable by those who’ve recently joined (and those who spam everyone new, just because).
Woo hoo! You think, “I’m gonna date up a storm!”
Fast-forward a few months and you feel as if things have gone terribly wrong. You haven’t met the man/woman of your dreams. Instead you’re sitting not-very-pretty with an inbox full of messages from unqualified candidates, memories of not-quite-right first and second dates, and a bad attitude.
♫ Back to life, back to reality. ♫
Yes, online dating, like anything new, loses its luster after a bit of time. Not only that, but your “online” status will now start to work against you.
Your profile becomes a cyber ghost, floating into oblivion. Barely anyone is viewing you. Messages trickle in slowly, inducing eye-rolls and phrases like “Ha, let’s see what this one says…” You’ve become jaded. Now your online presence is only serving as a reminder that you are utterly alone in this world. SINGLE.
If this sounds like you, save yourself from this torture and get the hell offline! Otherwise you’ll start to believe that a lack of attention and dates is your destiny. With your current poopy-pants attitude, you’re not going to be a good date anyway. Disable your profile NOW.
Take a breather. Get back in touch with yourself. Think about what kind of relationship you really want. Have fun with your friends.
Once you’re feeling less annoyed, depressed, and negative, you should talk to strangers.
And after some time has passed, once you feel like you’re king or queen of the world again—like everything you want is possible—then (and only then) should you consider dipping your toes back into the online dating pool.
I want you to have dates, but more than that, I want you to maintain your sanity. Happy dating is the only kind of dating I endorse.
Image by Katherine-The-Freak