There are many unspoken, sacred rules of life you shouldn’t break, one of those rules being: Never carry a pizza any way besides horizontally.
Twitter user @sad_tree had the misfortune to witness the violation of this precept on a daily basis in his time working at Philadelphia Style Pizza and Subs. A customer named Smith would come in, order two pizzas, and carry them vertically under his arms, regardless of what the employees told him.
“I’ve never hated anyone in my life except this next guy,” the story began. After that, @sad_tree offered us a narrative filled with suspense, memorable lines (one of the cooks muttering “puta gringos” is so great), and an ending that’s just as hilarious as it is infuriating.
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687084589446262784
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687084859156742148
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687085176803819520
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687085518673297408
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687085947666731008
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687086135571525633
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687086486672551936
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687086975162183680
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687087302246580225
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687087896084541441
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687088266655477760
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687088544419045376
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687088689835540481
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687089618077020160
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687090487816286208
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687090630552608769
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687091262537752576
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687092086328422401
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687092547836112897
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687093028834684928
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687093293952425984
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687093559313457152
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687093835256741888
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687094002806603776
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687094292414894080
https://twitter.com/sad_tree/status/687095867954839554
May 2016 be the year of viral Twitter stories like this, the Closet Saga, and the infamous Zola myth—and that Smith somehow reads this story and corrects his ways before it’s too late.