Throughout history, humans have vexed themselves with imponderables: What is the sound of one hand clapping? How can we find true happiness? Why are we here?
To this list of questions we must, unfortunately, add another: Who the fuck did this?
“But wait,” you will no doubt protest, “that’s red cabbage, not onions.” And you, my friend, will have missed the point—just like virtually everyone else who replied to that tweet.
@lyxopk @igorbobic Looks like red cabbage?
— Julie Karant (@Julie32BJ) February 10, 2016
@lyxopk its actually cabbage, hun. get ur veggies right.
— ratatouille (@nussyrox) February 10, 2016
@TheJaQuanJones @lyxopk i was thinking that too lmao is it cabbage
— Kɨɑnɑ❀ (@MsLuuna) February 10, 2016
This, you see, is a typical Internet defense mechanism when dealing with the unexpected and unexplained: Correct some minor detail in the source post and move on. But whether it’s cabbage or onions, the essential mystery remains. We have learned nothing.
@lyxopk alright i know all of u pointing out that its cabbage dont even eat ur veggies
— hey bestie (@lyxopk) February 10, 2016
I don’t blame people for focusing on the small stuff rather than grappling with the apparently motiveless cabbage-bombing of a toilet. It’s their right. I just can’t escape the notion that we as a species will never move forward if we keep avoiding these issues.
So, do you have any idea what happened here? Are you the dastardly cabbage fiend? Was this no more than an absurd or embarrassing accident? If you have the answers, it’s within your power to make this a better world for everyone. Tell us, or we’ll toss and turn all night.
Photo via @lyxopk/Twitter