Every year heading into the Yuletide season, the holiday purists emerge from their long slumber to complain about the multitude of aesthetic imperfections the season brings with it. You know, like neighbors with too many lights in their yard, obnoxious carolers, and Christmas-tree-shaped candy that doesn’t look sufficiently tree-like.
Reese’s has declared succinctly that public outrage over their seasonal Peanut Butter Tree is “not the perfect experience they’re going for,” leaving us to wonder what the perfect experience of a mass-produced blob of chocolate should be.
Here’s the official photo of the candy, which doesn’t exactly inspire us to gather around and sing “Welcome Christmas.”
But as nebulous as the official “peanut butter tree” concept seems to be, the reality is apparently far worse—at least according to these complainers:
Ok sure, it's a "tree" @ReesesPBCups #StillEating #ItsStillReeses pic.twitter.com/QIBU424IDs
— Kinbrielle (@Kinbrielle) November 22, 2015
https://twitter.com/faithfoush/status/668839820500701184
ah, the fabled blob tree. truly the most majestic of foliage. @ReesesPBCups pic.twitter.com/jj24RvBnH4
— (MOVED) (@emmy_has_moved) November 19, 2015
@ReesesPBCups Does this look like a Christmas tree to you?? #Christmas #Reeses #IIIShowYou pic.twitter.com/GqCIH99zBa
— Bucky (@MayorBucky_) November 2, 2015
Then there are the brave souls who are actually coming out and saying that these peanut butter trees look like turds:
My cousin cracks me up! #Reeses #justeatit @celldweller pic.twitter.com/hejnff3F5Y
— Snakey🐍 (She/Her/They/Them/Don’t care) (@snakelady) November 28, 2015
It’s true; they clearly look like turds. Then again, so does most chocolate you find in your stocking or your Halloween bucket or any other receptacle of cheap commercial holiday chocolate. Sure, the world is currently going to hell, but feel free to complain that your first-world candy isn’t shaped right.
Fortunately, the candy backlash has provoked its own backlash.
If you are unhappy about the shape of your #Reeses Peanut Butter Christmas Tree, you can send it to me. I will dispose of it properly!
— Ben Johnson (@BW_Johnson) November 28, 2015
https://twitter.com/theotherBuerman/status/670600181604335616
Seriously, folks. Leave us the inferior blobs of creamy peanut butter goodness. If it’s Reese’s-inspired seasonal decor you’re after, you have plenty of other things to choose from:
https://twitter.com/protein_mega/status/667295528141492224
https://twitter.com/TheViralTrend/status/669455752717824000
Yummmmm. I could really go for some poo-shaped chocolate right now, couldn’t you?