They say the fastest way to a woman’s heart is to violently flip, flail, and spasm mere inches from her face. But if that fails, it’s good to always have a few wince-inducing pickup line to stick the proverbial landing. 

Enter Parkour Pickup Lines, the biggest offense to women’s rights since “Blurred Lines.” No longer do girls in this country have the right to walk to class, enjoy a quick bite, or simply sit without their personal space being assaulted by a guy who never made it past the audition rounds of Ninja Warrior. Though this dollar store version of Justin Guarini didn’t receive any broken bones from his antics, the odds that he might have been pepper sprayed by unsuspecting women are pretty good. 

Let this be a lesson to the young men of the world, parkour won’t get you a girlfriend, and it certainly won’t get you to the Olympic gymnastics team. 

H/T Reddit