Where the hell did we get this idea that British people are proper, polite, and unfailingly reserved? If they’re not glassing their best mate in a pub or spreading lies with sleazy tabloids, they’re probably beefin’ on Twitter.
In this corner, we have legendary comic genius John Cleese, of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers fame.
Piers Morgan writes that I didn't recognise him in a restaurant in New York.I did.I just didn't want to speak to someone I truly detest
— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) June 5, 2015
And in the other corner, his opponent, Piers Morgan, a media personality I often confuse with Perez Hilton. (They’re different!)
No, @JohnCleese, I said you DID recognise me & the revulsion was mutual. Here's the column: http://t.co/72orbo7vno https://t.co/gj4ieSzvNk
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
PS. when are you going to be funny again @JohnCleese? It's been a few decades.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
The burns kept coming.
Anyway,I thought he was in jail after admitting he'd authorised phone-hacking at the Daily Mirror.Still,our Briish legal system works slowly
— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) June 5, 2015
Ooooh, now you're getting malicious & nasty @JohnCleese – do you think I'm one of your ex wives? https://t.co/FeYm61KYhH
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
And coming.
My thanks to Piers M for providing me with my most successful tweet ever. 10K favour me for saying I detest him.In two hours ! Thanks,twits
— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) June 5, 2015
Piers is now asking when I'll be funny again.'It's been a long time" Answer : "Piers,when are you going to be talented.It's been a lifetime'
— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) June 5, 2015
I literally know funnier dead people. > RT @AndreasBlomkvis @piersmorgan @JohnCleese Funniest man alive Cleese
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
Alas, Morgan then overplayed his hand by bragging about a cameo in the Entourage movie—something of which no human should be proud.
My latest movie Entourage is out this week, @JohnCleese. My 7th in 4yrs. How's your film career going?
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
Oof. Not all that impressive to someone with Life of Brian and A Fish Called Wanda on his résumé, is it? But yeah, I’m sure that as I write this, millions of Piers Morgan fans are lining up for a chance to see him appear as himself on the silver screen for two minutes.
Many thanks > RT @TheGreatestFC @piersmorgan just seen @entouragemovie and thought you sucked bollocks.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 5, 2015
Photos via Bruce/Flickr (CC BY 2.0), Pete Riches/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)