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This NSFW fanfic snoops on Edward Snowden's fictional sex life

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Truly, there is fanfiction for everything. Even world-famous fugitive whistleblowers.

If you’re not content with reading up on the prurient details of Edward Snowden’s actual love life, you’re in luck. Someone is working on a (very fictionalized) fanfic novelization of Snowden’s exploits... and, of course, the book is going to be full of sex scenes.

Written by Andrew Shaffer, Snowjob (yes, Snowjob) is described as “satire” rather than fanfic, and follows the story of technical contractor Eddie Snowjob as he leaks information from the FDA’s secret surveillance system, GISM. Since Shaffer’s previous work includes a Fifty Shades of Grey parody book, Fifty Shames of Earl Grey, and a selection of essays on “Why fanfiction is taking over the world,” we assume that he probably knows what he’s doing.

Snowjob is currently a work in progress, posted in single-chapter installments to Shaffer’s website. For a taste of what you’re in for, here’s part of an early scene where Snowjob is confronted by a coworker while secretly downloading surveillance data:

“Why are you smiling like that?” Glinda asked.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

Snowjob gulped loudly. “That’s absurd.”

“You didn’t come in early to work,” Glinda said, peering at his open laptop. “You came in early to play around with GISM.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Snowjob said.

“Oh, please,” Glinda said. “GISM stores a record of every food and drug ever ingested by Americans. You feel powerful when you fire it up and just browse through people’s personal lives — and power is the greatest aphrodisiac known to man. Admit it: you were planning to take the six AM to Spanktown.”

Needless to say, what comes next is rather more NSFW. But you have to hand it to Shaffer for managing to combine explicit sex scenes with in-character discussions of the ethics of surveillance culture.

Illustration via tatalllovely/Instagram