This winter, the song “Uptown Funk” was unavoidable. It spent 10 weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard charts, was “parodied” endlessly by YouTubers, and was the soundtrack for Michelle Obama‘s choreographed White House dance. There was one little problem—it was secretly the devil’s music.
Oh you thought Bruno Mars was innocent? Nah, “Uptown Funk” has lyrics about “liquor” in cups (probably unholy ones) and “Julio” getting “the stretch.” Just filthy.
Luckily, a Catholic school cleaned up the funk and wrote a version that their god-forsaken little ones could safely perform. Enter “Jesus Christ,” the Christian stand-in song for “Uptown Funk”:
https://twitter.com/problematiques/status/600320951419416577
With lines like “Gotta bible on that book shelf, gotta bless myself so holy” this is sure to be a classic in every pew. The song has fixed up the satanic lines with smart additions like, “Fill my cup put some spirit in it” (phew). We have been saved. This one is for the record books.
This is of course just the latest in the Internet’s long-standing history of showcasing updated Christian versions of mainstream pop songs. Take for example “Super Grace,” a holier version of Nicki Minaj‘s “Superbass”:
Their voices are actually kind of beautiful! This genre is not to be confused with the faux-Christian parodies of the Westboro Baptist Church, which include a bunch of mean Lady Gaga parodies:
Don’t believe me, just repent.
Screengrab via MarkRonsonVevo/YouTube