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Amazon's X-rated dog toys will make you blush

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This article contains sexually explicit material that may be NSFW.

There’s something that happens in your brain when you see a sex toy. It’s a jarring experience that grabs ahold of the most depraved parts of your brain and can take your mind straight into the gutter. If you weren’t expecting to have a bright orange rubber phallus or neon green cock sleeve thrown in front of your face, it can disrupt your entire day… which is why you need to tread lightly in the “Dog Toys” section of Amazon.

The line between dog toys and adult sex toys on the site is so blurry that it’s impossible to tell the difference. These moulded rubber implements come in all shapes and sizes, and would probably be more at home in the bottom drawer of your dresser than in your dog’s jaws.


There’s no way this isn’t a double-sided dildo. I’m pretty sure I can even see veins. It’s even called the “Odd Stick.” Odd indeed.
 


Wavy for your pleasure, and it comes in various colors.
 


Way cheaper than a Fleshlight.
 


I’m not saying this thing would make a great butt plug, except that yes, yes I am.
 

It even has a “rotating end.” Batteries not required.
 

 

A massive, nondescript black shaft made of rubber. It has a lifetime warranty, in case you get a little bit too freaky with it.
 




A giant tongue, at your service.

And don’t think you’ll be left out if you happen to have some sort of strange fetish—aside from a love of dog/sex toys, that is—Amazon has you covered either way:

 


 

Photo via Emery_Way/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)