Even the world's worst online dating profile won't stop guys from hitting on you
If you are a lady on OKCupid, and your level of attractiveness exceeds that of a mythical sea creature, you most likely get harassed by dudes on the reg. Even if a woman comes off as completely repugnant—like, if she self-identifies as a Nazi or writes "eyeball eczema” under “first things people notice about me”— it’s dollars to donuts that she’ll get at least fifty a/s/l requests as soon as her profile goes live.
To test the theory that male OKCupid users will solicit anyone with two X chromosomes and the ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, Cracked writer Alli Reed set up a fake OKCupid profile for aaroncarterfan, a woman she thought was “so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikable” that not even the most desperate OKCupid user would ever want to contact her.
As it turns out, she was wrong.
In creating the 25 year-old, Los Angeles-based aaroncarterfan, Reed imbued her with the worst human traits possible. She was a “mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant” gold digger. She was also made a huge Aaron Carter fan, which is basically the sexual attractiveness equivalent to being a neo-Nazi with eyeball eczema.
Using a photo of her friend Rae, a model, as her default, Reed created a narrative for aaroncarterfan that is as reflective of the darkest annals of the human psyche as a character in a Dostoyevsky novel:
Image via Cracked
With her penchant for harassing homeless people and announcing fake pregnancies, aaroncarterfan was so abhorrent that Reed assumed “not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos” would contact her. Yet the Raskolnikov of online dating received 150 messages in 24 hours, most of which were along the lines of the following:
Image via Cracked
Even when threatened with physical violence, aaroncarterfan’s suitors were undeterred:
Image via Cracked
While it’s possible that some of the messages were from irony-savvy OKCupid users who were trying to beat aaroncarterfan at her own game, most of the 500 inquiries Reed received were in earnest (or as she puts it, they were from men who had “slapped their semi-erect penis on the keyboard a few times and pressed send”).
So what did Reed glean from her experiment in online dating awfulness? Mostly what you’d expect: that men have been conditioned to judge a woman solely on her physical appearance, to the point where they are willing to ignore pretty much any red flag (such as a predilection for amateur dentistry) if the possibility of having sex with her is on the table.
To the men who fell prey to aaroncarterfan’s charms (or lack thereof), Reed has a message for you: “You're better than that…. You don't want someone who will pull out your teeth and then sue you for child support; you deserve someone who will make you want to be better than you are, and will want to be better because of you.”
Also: “STOP FUCKING MESSAGING AARONCARTERFAN, YOU ASSHOLES.”
H/T Cracked | Image via Mosaic Maniac/Flickr
Armory builds Iron Man a suit worthy of the Norse gods
Tony Stark would be the most stylish hero in Asgard with this leather armor.22k
Homeless man plays best cover of Styx's 'Come Sail Away' you've ever heard
Are we sure this isn't really Dennis DeYoung?18k
Dudes build huge real-life gundam so the U.S. can fight Japan in a giant robot battle
Japan, you have one year to name the battlefield.17k
The great Reddit meltdown has begun
Winter is coming to the Front Page of the Internet.
The 3 biggest questions heading into the ESL ESEA final
The first edition of the ESL ESEA Pro League is coming to a head this weekend with $250,000 on the line.27