In a sentence that 18 hours ago would have left you staring in utter bewilderment but now makes perfectly fine sense, legendary porn company Penthouse is offering $1 million to anyone who can provide a tape of Donald Trump watching Russian prostitutes pee on themselves in a hotel room Barack Obama once stayed in.
In case you were not paying attention to the internet last night, BuzzFeed published an unsubstantiated document that had been circulating among intelligence services and elected officials. The documents claim the Russian government has a tremendous amount of compromising information on the president-elect.
Allegedly included in their stash is a video of Donald Trump watching Russian call girls perform golden showers.
Trump took to Twitter to vehemently deny the allegations.
FAKE NEWS – A TOTAL POLITICAL WITCH HUNT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017
Russia just said the unverified report paid for by political opponents is "A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FABRICATION, UTTER NONSENSE." Very unfair!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017
Russia has never tried to use leverage over me. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA – NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017
I win an election easily, a great "movement" is verified, and crooked opponents try to belittle our victory with FAKE NEWS. A sorry state!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017
Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to "leak" into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017
The only way to prove whether video of Trump watching a sex act in Moscow exists is to procure the video itself. And Penthouse just fired a big salvo.
ATTENTION:
— Penthouse (@Penthouse) January 11, 2017
We are offering up to $1-million for exclusive rights to the FSB tapes of Donald Trump's #goldenshowers
The move is a pure PR grab and par for the course for porn companies. Whether it’s offering outrageous sums for unlikely figures to appear in porn (like Ken Bone, for example) or making X-rated parodies of popular shows (see Gay of Thrones), porn companies are notorious for grabbing the spotlight wherever they can.
If the Trump video really does exist, it is most likely in the possession of the Russian Federal Security Service, which probably wouldn’t pass it along to Penthouse.
If it did, though, it would be in good hands. Perhaps no one is prouder proponents of the First Amendment than our nation’s porn companies.
In 1988, Hustler Magazine took a defamation suit filed by Jerry Falwell to the Supreme Court and won. In 2000, Playboy defeated the U.S. government in the Supreme Court, after Congress tried to restrict lewd content on cable. Penthouse would no doubt love to join that list of legendary free speech victories.