Photo via BrianWancho/Shutterstock.com (Licensed)
It seems like everybody who’s legal has done it, is doing it, or is done with it. From being the butt of joke (no pun intended) in an Amy Schumer skit to being featured in countless Cosmopolitan articles, sexting has gone mainstream in a major way.
But before you head out to get all hot and bothered with your phone, what exactly is sexting?
At its most basic definition, sexting is the art of sending explicit photographs or messages via text or social media messaging.
The ever-reliable Urban Dictionary provides us with a more entertaining view of the matter:
“Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit text messages back and forth with a partner. Essentially, it's like trying to watch pornography on a dial up internet connection. 5 seconds of gratification for every 5 minutes you wait.”
While Urban Dictionary interprets sexting as old-school porn, sexy messaging is far from just waxing nostalgic for the days of AOL and Hammer Pants. It offers a far more personal experience.
Here's how to make the most of your sext game.
Make sure you're sending it to the right person
You could be this girl and ask your mom if she likes your tits. It doesn’t take long to check who you’re messaging with , so do so before you send anything raunchy.
Turn off iMessage statuses
Here’s another pre-sexting ritual: Disabling read receipts for iMessage means taking out anxiety about whether the other person has read your text.
If you already have a trusted partner, don't be afraid to start the conversation. This requires the next step.
Half-assedness (unless you’re half-ass naked) translates across text. If you’re going to do it, do it right. Confidence is sexy; sexting is a way to put enough distance between yourself and your partner to decrease self-consciousness while still sharing a fantasy.
Turning a conversation into a private joke or making fun of an awkward moment during sexting in a friendly way can help foster closeness.
Set the scene
Describing what you want somebody to do to you is hot. Set the mood with something titillatingly open-ended, such as:
I thought of something I want to do to you tonight.
I just got out of the shower.
Gradually ease into the scenario. Believe it or not, sexting can lead to real-life sex. If you want to see that person bent over something other than a phone keyboard, a steady drip of innuendo is less in-your-face than an explosion of XXX material from the start. Pun intended.
Use emoji effectively
Millennials have taken the use of emoji to new creative heights. Peaches, eggplants, surfboards, hand gestures—a lot can be conveyed in these nifty little images. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a widely trademarked piece of internet art is worth a couple panty-wetting lines.
Know that nobody is actually lying around in nothing but a pair of black lace panties at 8pm on a Tuesday.
One of the beautiful things about sexting is that it is a fantasy. She is probably in her period underwear eating Doritos and cleaning the kitchen. Unless, of course, it’s a guy who’s wearing the underwear. Then it might actually be true.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Don’t keep messages in your phone longer than the conversation lasts. Screenshot and Dropbox it if you want to, but try not to clog your inbox with freaky exchanges.
Send unsolicited dick pics
A penis photo popping up on your phone while you’re at lunch with grandma or doing pilates at the gym is generally unappreciated. Unless they ask for it, guys, assume that dick pics are not a valued currency. Same goes with sexting in general: Unless the conversation was already leading in a sexual direction, or you’re texting your significant other, a vivid sexual photo out of the blue should be out of the question.
Sext if you're the only one who's drunk
The best scenario is to start off somewhere between sober and tipsy, but if you're going to text drunk, then make sure your partner is too. While it may seem tempting to fire off some horny, desperate texts when it’s 2am and you’re wasted, remember that alcohol lowers the bar for embarrassing yourself significantly.
Misspell words or use too many abbreviations
Nobody expects perfect grammar or a spelling bee champ, but sounding like an 11 year-old IM’er can kill the mood. Example: “I want 2 fuck ur tite pu$y.” You don’t have to be a wordsmith, but words leave more room for fantasies than visuals, and a grammatically correct bedroom description can provide some serious titillation.
It doesn’t work well, and you’ll just be left facepalming. See above about misspellings.
Put your face in the photo
As they say, “No face, no case.” This general guideline includes any distinguishing tattoos, logos, room decorations, or pieces of clothing. Spare yourself (and future employers) the embarrassment of having angry exes blasting your boudoir photos all over the internet. There is already an unfortunate amount of revenge porn in this country. While it is advisable to avoid sending nudes altogether, make sure to keep your face out of it if you’re going to go that route.
On the same note, it is also wise to not enact Yo Gotti's words of wisdom: "Facetime me that pussy."
With great power comes great responsibility. Now that you’ve leveled up your sexting skills, smut away safely. Happy e-humping.