Illustration by Jason Reed (Licensed)
Sometimes, America doesn't know what it needs. Bernie or Hillary? Vegan or paleo? Which way should a dog wear pants?
But today, America has been gifted with exactly what it needed all along: lesbian farmers.
Ever since conservatives began to irrationally panic over a one-day LGBT Rural Summit in Iowa that took place Aug. 18, the nation has belly-laughed at the cries of "transgender hillbillies" and "lesbian farmers" that are "constantly on the march."
While the conservative Washington Free Beacon was the first to spawn conspiracy theories, it was Rush Limbaugh's concern that President Obama is funneling cold cash to lesbians and training them to invade the heartland in order to ... uh, farm it ... that left us all cackling out loud.
Rush's freaky fantasy of fertilizer-friendly femmes fingering vagtables out from deep in the Iowa soil sent him to the top of Facebook's trending news list—and now, it has inspired some pretty awesome arts and crafts.
On Wednesday night, Los Angeles-based pianist and comedian Kathryn Lounsbery wrote and performed an entire 15-act musical set on lesbian farmland. She posted a video of the impromptu showcase to Facebook, where it quickly went viral and was watched more than 70,000 times in less than a day.Songs from Lounsbery's hilarious musical include "There’s Some Lady Loving in the Silo Tonight," "A Bale of Hay to Every Gay," and "I’m At-tractor-ed To You."
Lounsbery told the Daily Dot on Thursday that, incredibly, the entire musical was made up on the spot after a friend posted the Daily Dot's lesbian farmer story online.
"My brilliant friend Wendy Rosoff posted the article on Facebook and said someone needed to option the movie or musical," Lounsbery said. So she enlisted her girlfriend, Helen, to throw a bunch of flannels in a pile and wing it.
"We shot for about 45 minutes. It's all improvised," said Lounsbery. "The editing took longer than writing the musical."
Lounsbery said she wanted to thank Rush Limbaugh personally for "creating a safe space for all of us to live our truth." She and Rosoff are "in development" currently, working on an expanded version of the lesbian farmer musical that might be produced live.
Meanwhile, Iowa's lesbian farmgirls are rockin' a new look thanks to Des Moines-based design company Raygun. The company produced a new line of T-shirts "inspired by the wandering fears of Rush Limbaugh," and locals are loving it.The Daily Dot asked Raygun owner Mike Draper about the "America Needs Lesbian Farmers" shirt, and he said it was a play on the Iowa Farm Bureau logo (America Needs Farmers) that also adorns the helmets of the University of Iowa Hawkeyes football team.
"This is not the first time Rush has inspired a shirt," added Draper. "We did 'Just Another Slut on Birth Control' years ago when he said that women who wanted 'the government to pay for their birth control' were just sluts."
Who knew Iowans like to make fun of Rush Limbaugh this much?
The Raygun shirts, which cost $22 online, are a kelly green-and-yellow design reminiscent of the John Deere tractor logo rocked by farmers everywhere.
We'll be sure to wear one under a flannel next time we build a sandbag dike to prevent our government-sponsored organic tofu farm from flooding. Thanks, Obama!