Illustration via Max Fleishman (CC-BY-SA)
There's a deviant sexual underclass scheming to touch people's privates in public, and we need to keep them out of our restrooms—says a new petition.
Jeremy Belanger, whose Facebook page describes him as a "comedian" on "YouTube" (his quotes), created the petition and an accompanying video for the "Grand Old Potty" to mock the hypocrisy of conservative laws that target transgender citizens and the LGBT community at large. The laws, often referred to as "bathroom bills," have swept states this year—with especially restrictive laws creating an uproar in Southern states like North Carolina and Tennessee.
"Like everyone, I have friends and family in the LGBT community," Belanger told the Daily Dot on Thursday. "I wanted to stick up for [their rights] so they could use the restroom without having a GOP member solicit them for sex."
As Belanger points out in a video posted Wednesday, there have been zero reported cases of transgender people assaulting anyone in bathrooms in the U.S. Yet, there have been scandalous reports of disorderly sexual conduct in bathrooms—all crimes committed by Republican politicians.Belanger calls out notorious GOP stars like Bob Allen, a Florida state representative arrested for soliciting sex in a bathroom from an undercover police officer in 2007. He also nods to former Idaho senator Larry Craig, also arrested in 2007 for soliciting a bathroom boink from a cop.
"Before seeing people's rights be legislated away, I never knew how much Republican politicians cared about bathrooms," Belanger told the Daily Dot. "Apparently, they like bathrooms so much that many of them have tried to have sex in them."
The list of Republican politicians who have committed various sex crimes, including assault, child abuse, and rape, is long and unpleasant.
That's why Belanger created a petition calling for separate bathroom facilities for registered Republicans.
This would be create the Grand Old Potty, a restroom set aside for the conservative lawmakers. Republican Politicians would only be allowed to use the bathroom that corresponds to their voter registration. Should they chose to use another restroom they would have to complete the necessary paperwork of changing their party affiliation.
As Belanger pointed out in the video, changing one's party affiliation is a whole lot easier than changing the gender on a birth certificate.
The Republican bathrooms law would "ensure there are no separate stalls or dividers in the Grand Old Potty, so they can continue to monitor the bathroom activities they are so interested in." It would also supersede all state and local laws and prevent municipalities from passing GOP bathroom bills of their own—a direct criticism of North Carolina's House Bill 2, which initially wiped out all local governments' ability to make their own legislation in the state.
"If conservative lawmakers want to legislate where imaginary threats go to the bathroom, they should also tell dragons and unicorns to where to pee," said Belanger. "While they're at it, can I be there for that? It sounds pretty awesome."