While Halloween should be the premier candy holiday of the year, it’s hard to ignore the plain, cold truth: Most Halloween candy is boring.
Candy corn, widely considered the official candy mascot of Halloween, is deeply polarizing. Navigating the seasonal candy aisles during Halloween is an exercise in disappointment. Many candy makers phone it in for trick-or-treating season and merely deliver fun-size, pumpkin, or ghoul-shaped versions of their classics. Guess what? A pumpkin-shaped Snickers bar tastes exactly the same as a regular Snickers bar. Most people might actually prefer their Snickers in the regular bar form, rather than some amorphous, pumpkin-shaped facsimile. Even worse, “fun-size” bars are rarely as fun their name implies, as Gawker reported last year in a meticulous taste-test.
In other cases, garish orange-and-green dyes detract from once perfectly delicious sweets. Halloween Oreos have a traffic-cone orange cream center, but misleadingly taste exactly like the original. Orange-colored “white-kreme” covered Kit Kats taste sickeningly sweet and look positively radioactive.
But worry not, seasonal candy aficionados. There are plenty of Halloween candy options available on the Internet that will outdo your drugstore’s staid offerings in a heartbeat. Some get points for creativity or creepiness over taste (i.e. gummies in the shape of human body parts). Others, like candy bodily fluids, are just downright gross. But they all step up Halloween’s candy game considerably.
Here are some weird, geeky and otherwise unique alternatives to your typical Halloween drugstore candy:
1) Eyeball suckers
Keep your eyes on things.
Price on Amazon: $9.99
2) Gummy Body Parts
A lovely variety of gummy vital organs and appendages.
Price on Amazon: $13.44
3) Ant Lollipops
An alternative source of protein.
Price on Amazon: $9.99
4) Sour Skulls
These Sour Skulls can pull a double shift for both Dios de la Muerte and Halloween.
Price on Amazon: $9.99
5) Goofy Monster Lollipops
They’re not scary, but they sure are adorbs.
Price on Amazon: $11.90
6) Gummi Brains
These gummy brains aren’t spooky enough to be unappetizing.
Price on Amazon: $26.13
7) Mini Pez Dispensers
An adorable item for every trick-or-treater (and reusable, too!).
Price on Amazon: $9.99
8) Gummi Teeth
These gummies might distract you from the damage you’re doing to your actual pearly whites.
Price on Amazon: $24.97
9) Day of the Dead Lollipops
A sugar skull with a lot of sugar.
Price on Amazon: $11.99
10) Tequila Worm Lollipops
Gross.
Price on Amazon: $11.90
11) Gummy Tarantula Candy
These gummy spiders are smaller than actual tarantulas, which is good news for your sugar intake.
Price on Amazon: $9.99
12) Mummy Nutter Butters
Sure, these Nutter Butters decorated as mummies and bats aren’t technically candy, but being wrapped in white chocolate doesn’t really help matters.
Price on Amazon: $39.99
13) Chocolate-covered Pumpkin Oreos
Almost cute too eat (but not quite).
Price on Amazon: $14.95
13) Gummy Severed Fingers
Eww, bloody fingers!
Price on Amazon: $9.99
14) Interlocking Skeleton Candy
Assemble this guy, then eat him piece by piece.
Price on Amazon: $23.99
15) Black Cat Suckers
The downside: you have to bite this cute kitty’s face.
Price on Amazon: $12.99
16) Halloween Jewel Pops
The best bling is the kind you can eat.
Price on Amazon: $11.79