The anti-soccer set here in the United States has alternately mocked and dismissed the sport for the duration of the 2014 World Cup—but now they can step aside and let a professional do some heavy lifting: Everyone’s favorite rubber canine puppet is back and ruder than ever.

Not bothering to travel to Brazil itself, presumably because he’s banned from every major airline, the Robert Smigel-voiced, cigar-chomping character known as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visited Astoria, Queens, to remind some day-drinking fans that they have “no gooooooooaaals.” The results, as one might hope, are as hilarious as they are racially insensitive.

Whatever your position on the planet’s most popular game, one thing’s for sure: Nobody interviewed in these segments has ever managed to snatch victory from the jaws of Triumph.

H/T Hypervocal | Photo via

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