If you ever play Monopoly with Nick Offerman, don’t deprive him of the thimble piece.
"I choose the thimble because no matter where I roam, you can't prick my motherfuckin' thumb with your bitch-ass Scottie Dog," the actor, craftsman, and mustache enthusiast explicitly stated. He added, "Can I cuss on here?"
Offerman's Monopoly token of choice was one of many topics discussed during a March 13 Reddit AMA session. The session was his second on the website; previously, he had hosted an AMA in August 2012. In addition to discussing his renowned role as Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, Offerman was also present to promote his new film Somebody Up There Likes Me, providing redditors with a preview video.
- Who is your favorite Parks and Rec character besides Ron?
- If you had to choose between bacon or carpentry, which would you choose?
- Why did you decide to start tweeting again?
- Any future projects you are working on that you can disclose?
- Here’s a shot in the dark, but is there ANY chance that you could spare an hour to be a guest on my podcast? (Rob_Saget)
"1) Duke Silver.
2) Easy. Bacon. Carpentry requires protein to flourish, but Bacon requires only my masticating pork-hole.
3) To use the practical side of Twitter to disseminate information to my peoples, despite the amount of time people waste upon said channel.
4) Doing a play in Los Angeles with my gorgeous wife Megan, Annapurna, late April-June 9.
5) I think you had another question, but it's dark so I missed it."
If you could impart one piece of knowledge to the wayward generation of Reddit, what would it be? (Silfax)
"One Knowledge Piece: Wealth is more amply measured in hugs than dollars."
If you directed Rocky 7, who would you have Rocky fight? (Greenskeeper)
"I imagine he'd be in a pretty good scrap with his colon by this point. I'd love to see him take on Dr. Phil, as well, and have Dr. Phil be inexplicably formidable, but then of course, ultimately lose to Mr. Balboa."
Manliness: as a 24 year old half Asian male weighing in at 120 lbs, struggling to grow facial hair, how can I become more manly like yourself? (karmaghia)
"Turn off your computer and go out of doors. Dig a large enough hole to transplant a mature apple tree. Nurture the tree, feed it, coddle it so that its fruit will be ample, bright and firm. Practice open-hand strikes against the rough bark of the trunk until it's time to harvest. Choose the champion of your apple crop, pluck it from the tree, and beat yourself about the face and tits with it until your mettle will suffice."
You're stranded on a desert island. What three items do you bring? (pivotalsquash)
One dozen hogs
We all know Ron Swanson has only cried twice in his life. Is there anything that makes you cry? (la_doble_de_Consuelo)
"I cry with regularity, and I don't mind a bit. I cried last night during rehearsal for this beautiful play Annapurna, by Sharr White, that Megan and I are doing in LA. I consistently cried at the curt but heartfelt life advice dispensed by Coach Eric Taylor. I cried when Ashton Kutcher came back to television. For all of us. For shame."
As an enthusiast of barbecued meats. Do you have a favorite? How do you like it prepared? (ItsBurgertime)
"My favorite of all is steak, ribs, pork loin, lamb chops, bratwurst, cheeseburgers. I like them prepared on the grill."
It is widely believed that you may have been flying high during your last AMA. Care to shed some light on this? (wrecker14)
"Can I get a light, please?"
Photo via Nick Offerman/Imgur