Breaking Bad fans, have you ever wanted to try the crystal meth cooked and perfected by Walter White and Jesse Pinkman over the last four seasons of the show? Now, thanks to some very observant Amazon users, you can try the next best thing: blue crystal candy.
Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals, made by candymakers Dryden & Palmer, are receiving a lot of attention on Amazon because of their strong resemblance to Blue Ice. The candy comes in a plastic bag and costs $6.60 per pound, which is considerably below market value.
The uncanny similarities between the drug and the candy have inspired several humorous, Breaking Bad-related reviews.
One such review was written by gangster and meth connoisseur Tuco Salamanca, who is apparently posthumously posting on Amazon as J. Peterman “Jacopo”:
“This kicks like a mule with its balls wrapped in duct tape! Blue, yellow, pink. Whatever, man. Just keep bringing me that.”
Even Jesse Pinkman, posting as Avid Reader, is digging the product:
“This stuf [sic] is, like, over 99% pure, yo. I bought some a few weeks ago and I could’t [sic] believe how good it was! By far the sweetest on the market. Can’t go wrong with the blue, yo.”
Pinkman’s partner in crime isn’t as happy with the rock candy, however. Heisenberg, Walter White’s dangerous alter ego, wrote the following review entitled “Stay out of my territory.”:
“You clearly don't know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am the one who knocks.”
Dryden & Palmer should be scared. Not just by the aforementioned menacing threat, but also by the potential litigious attack that will come from Andrea Cantillo and attorney “Better Call Saul” Goodman:
“My son Brock ate some of this and he is now in the hospital. I do not support this, and I will be calling my lawyer!! You’ll hear from Mr. Goodman. These are end times, and they’re no half-measures.”
Unfortunately, not all the reviews are comedic gems. A reviewer named Chris ruins the joke by stating the obvious:
For someone wanting a serious review of this stuff, its [sic] good. It tastes nice and its [sic] candy. But if your [sic] a fan of Breaking Bad, you should just buy this to keep for the novetly factor. I see a few others got here first too.”
Curiously enough, according to Amazon, users who viewed the candy also checked out other Breaking Bad related products, including a Los Pollos Hermanos t-shirt, bald caps, and articles of clothing worn by Walter White (the “Heisenberg” pork pie hat and glasses).
Amazon reviews for a product that’s visibly prominent in popular culture are nothing new. Back in November of 2011, after a University of California-Davis police officer made the news for pepper spraying a group of detained student protesters, users left protest reviews on the same can of pepper sprayed used in the incident.
The Daily Dot reached out to Richardson Brands Co., the parent company of Dryden & Palmer, for comment, but we were unable to speak to a representative.
As of this writing, it is unclear whether agent Hank Schrader and the Albuquerque branch of the DEA are aware of the existence of Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals.
Photo via Amazon