unplug

A prayer for National Unplug Day

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Take out the candles, cover the challah, and sign out of Twitter, as the digital sabbath is about to arrive.

The blessed nondenominational holiday National Unplug Day starts this Friday evening at sundown and ends Saturday night.

For a full 24 hours, your fantasy wedding Pinterest board can not be updated; you must cease trolling your friend’s Facebook photo albums;and your Draw Something game will have to wait. Sounds difficult, but they encourage you to drink lots of wine to cope—good wine, not that Manischewitz crap.

The event’s organizers said the holiday is meant “to bring some balance to our increasingly fast-paced way of life and reclaim time to connect with family, friends, the community and ourselves,” according to causes.com, where 1,500 people pledged to participate. It’s created by Reboot, a nonprofit Jewish organization.

In celebration of the poorly attended holiday—if the Facebook event page is any indication—the Daily Dot has written a short kiddush, I mean blessing, to kick off tonight’s wine-guzzling marathon.

(In our short prayer, God is Facebook cofounder Mark Zuckerberg, as there is no evidence to refute that he is not.)

On the sixth day, all of the Pinterest boards were pinned, the Reddit topics were trolled to the maximum, and LiveJournal comment threads could no longer tolerate any more GIFs.

On the seventh day, God had completed His work, dominating the Internet and profiting off of pokes. He rested on the seventh day from all of His hard work with a lavish trip to Vietnam that he won on The Price is Right.

But once he came back, he blessed the seventh day and made it holy. For on the seventh day, we must not poke, pin, downvote, upvote, like, or post anything. And He ceased from all of his His creative work, as the Social Reader could not be fixed.

On the seventh day, we must thank He for work-killing bounty. He has brought upon us and wallow in his IPO earnings while we sit silently and stare into a wall imaging all of the Instagram photos filling our News Feed.

Amen.