The Daily Dot The Kernel




Stranded by his parents

As lil’ Danny Gutierrez watches the red glow of his parent’s spaceship blast off into lightspeed, stranding him to die on this lifeless dwarf planet in the middle of nowhere, he realizes he really should’ve known better.

The months of hints, the subtle clues he overlooked… it all seems so obvious in hindsight but Danny guesses he just wasn’t paying attention. Even though they’ve done this to seven of his siblings, taking advantage of the little known Space Law that financially rewards distraught parents whose children perished in the service of privatized space-exploration missions, what were the odds they’d do this an 8th time?

It makes him more surprised than angry, to be honest.

Sure, mom would hiss, “You are the most disappointing son in the entire galaxy and I’m going to murder you in your sleep or strand you on a dwarf planet", and that sounds bad out of context but it was just her sense of humor… you might have to know her to get it. And while dad would openly discuss the pros and cons of different ways to murder him and the alibis required to get away with it, Danny just figured dad was being thorough and every space mission requires a contingency plan for ANY situation— it’s Space Travel 101.

Looking back on it with what he knows now… he feels upset, really, and while he doesn’t want to say something he’d later regret, he can’t help but feel there were better solutions than leaving him to die, and if they had such a problem with how he performed his sonly duties, they really could have all sat down and discussed it at length.

But… he’s sorry he was such bad child though, and bad kids get what they deserve :-/

His final thought, as he gulps down the last remaining bits of air in his spacesuit, is that he hopes his death at least brings a smile to his poor parents’ face… they’ve been through so much.

Visit David's site for more comics.

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