The Daily Dot The Kernel




Life at lightspeed

It’s been almost five years since he left, and Josh Miller happily realizes everyone he ever knew is most likely dead. He can finally return home.

Having grown tired of his pathetic friends and family back on Earth, Josh decided to take advantage of the dilation of time created by traveling at (close to) the speed of light, enabling him to easily outlive anyone he had ever met.

For each year he experienced traveling on his ship, 22 years will have occurred for everyone living on Earth, so over a century has now passed for everyone else but him… and he’ll land back on Earth still a young man, unencumbered with any ties to the past, eager to start anew.

Once he gets home he’ll have a quick crash course to get up to speed on what happened in the past century, maybe make a snack, and then get right to work creating a new circle of family and friends that hopefully won’t be as disappointing as the last group he was saddled with.

And if they’re annoying too, it’s not a huge deal… he’ll just blast off for another five years and try again.

(Starring Josh Miller of!)

Top Stories

Chelsea Manning What Chelsea Manning Teaches Us About the U.S. Military Mental Health Crisis
At the dawn of a Trump presidency, Manning's treatment reveals faults in the military's treatment of transgender service members.
Game of Thrones Rhaegar Targaryen Rhaegar Targaryen: The Long-Dead 'Game of Thrones' Character Who Changed Everything
Westeros's late crown prince lived a short life filled with tragedy, violence, and prophecy.

The Daily Dot Bazaar

hacking 5 essential cybersecurity tools for surviving the era of hacking
It's essential to protect your information.
yankee candle sale You can save up to 40 percent on select Yankee Candle products, today only
Now you can stop, relax, and smell the roses.
blanket Stay cozy in the cold with 25 percent off heated blankets today
The downside: never wanting to move again.
animal wine aerators These animal-shaped aerators will make your wine taste so much better
And they're 70 percent off today!
super mario brothers planters Turn your office into a geeky greenhouse with warp pipe planters
Some may even act as passages to another world!
8-bit Valentine's cards Thrill your Valentine with these preciously nerdy cards
You're never too old to give someone a Valentine.
grump Wear your love for Grumpy Cat around your neck - literally
Both ridiculous and amazing.