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Behind the Closed, Closet Door

Behind closed closet doors, is where evil likes to dwell

You ask parents what’s behind there, but they’ll never tell

It’s no use asking why, because mom and dad’ll always lie

They’d laugh if you were murdered, and don’t care if you die

So stay up through the night, staring at your closet door

Within it live various ghost monsters, and terrorists caked in gore

They wait for you to fall asleep, so they can creep into your room

(Likely to kidnap and then eat you, one can only assume)

You have to take advantage of a Closet Monster’s Law

That states “if a child stays awake, then you must withdraw”

It’s a war of attrition, and you must stick to your plan of attack

Cuz’ what’s behind the closet door is trying to make you into a snack.

You’ll see your parent’s surprise as they realize you survived the night

(They’ll pretend they’re happy to see you, but it’s contrived delight)

Eat a sugary breakfast, nap the entire day at school

And be ready to stay up all night again to show ‘em you ain’t no fool.

(Starring the great Theodore Lewis of Thliii.tumblr.com!)

Valentine's Day

Fascinating Valentine's Day map shows where gift searches are the most popular
How original is your gift idea? Check your state to find out.
Pride Prejudice Zombies collection Hot Topic 10 geeky gift ideas for Valentine’s Day
Whether your geek loves science fiction or math, there’s a gift idea here!
Uber underwear delivery Uber is delivering panties this Valentine's Day
Uber will deliver panties to your love shack all weekend.
Dragon Age Leliana jacket Geek fashion professionals offer their advice and picks for Valentine’s Day gifts
Here’s what you should know before buying geeky apparel, jewelry, cosmetics, or a custom made design.
Desi Perkins smoked-out wing 5 of the best YouTube makeup tutorials for a date
Who needs a glam squad when you've got YouTube?
broken heart Breaking up is hard to do, but it's easier when you do it over video
Nothing says 'We're over' like sending someone an I Want To Grow Old Without You package.
Aol Messenger man with heart How I fell in love over AOL Instant Messenger
On merging my online self with my IRL self.

Entertainment

illustration of kayne west looking happy Kanye West's 'The Life of Pablo' stars Future, Weeknd, and others
Kanye West makes another unhinged album of the future.
Hashtaggers e online series Celeb-laden E! Online webseries follows the chaotic lives of social media pros
'Hashtaggers' starts the drama, one tweet at a time.
OK Go OK Go returns with extravagant, zero-gravity music video
This probably took a while to clean up.
mrs doubtfire deleted scenes Lost 'Mrs. Doubtfire' scenes are a heartbreaking reminder of Robin Williams' genius
This movie was a lot darker than we remember.
Kanye West Kanye West has finally named his album
It's called 'The Life of Pablo.'
colbert sanders Bernie Sanders explained to Stephen Colbert why he's not just a liberal Donald Trump
There's a big difference, he says, and it has nothing to do with policy.
Vine user logo 5 under-the-radar Vine channels you need to follow right now
These loops are made for watching.

Esports

CSGO Tempo Storm is getting back into Counter-Strike
This time, they've looked outside of NA.
Origen Origen's head coach leaves after just four weeks in the LCS
It's only been four weeks since his first game.
CLG and TSM rivalry goes to CoD CLG wins rivalry game against TSM—in Call of Duty
The rivalry lives, even in Call of Duty.
Hearthstone G2's single-class Hearthstone tournament is already building buzz
Ahead of the new "Standard" format, others are experimenting.
Crowd inside IEM Katowice 2015 IEM Katowice sells out early entrance passes in seconds
The IEM event is one of the premiere esports events of the year.
Crystal Scar Riot Games is killing the Dominion game mode
After years of neglect, Riot Games is finally shutting the door on Dominion.
twitch logo Twitch users watched 20 billion minutes of videos per month in 2015
League of Legends continues to dominate.