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Behind the Closed, Closet Door

Behind closed closet doors, is where evil likes to dwell

You ask parents what’s behind there, but they’ll never tell

It’s no use asking why, because mom and dad’ll always lie

They’d laugh if you were murdered, and don’t care if you die

So stay up through the night, staring at your closet door

Within it live various ghost monsters, and terrorists caked in gore

They wait for you to fall asleep, so they can creep into your room

(Likely to kidnap and then eat you, one can only assume)

You have to take advantage of a Closet Monster’s Law

That states “if a child stays awake, then you must withdraw”

It’s a war of attrition, and you must stick to your plan of attack

Cuz’ what’s behind the closet door is trying to make you into a snack.

You’ll see your parent’s surprise as they realize you survived the night

(They’ll pretend they’re happy to see you, but it’s contrived delight)

Eat a sugary breakfast, nap the entire day at school

And be ready to stay up all night again to show ‘em you ain’t no fool.

(Starring the great Theodore Lewis of!)

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