The Daily Dot The Kernel




Behind the Closed, Closet Door

Behind closed closet doors, is where evil likes to dwell

You ask parents what’s behind there, but they’ll never tell

It’s no use asking why, because mom and dad’ll always lie

They’d laugh if you were murdered, and don’t care if you die

So stay up through the night, staring at your closet door

Within it live various ghost monsters, and terrorists caked in gore

They wait for you to fall asleep, so they can creep into your room

(Likely to kidnap and then eat you, one can only assume)

You have to take advantage of a Closet Monster’s Law

That states “if a child stays awake, then you must withdraw”

It’s a war of attrition, and you must stick to your plan of attack

Cuz’ what’s behind the closet door is trying to make you into a snack.

You’ll see your parent’s surprise as they realize you survived the night

(They’ll pretend they’re happy to see you, but it’s contrived delight)

Eat a sugary breakfast, nap the entire day at school

And be ready to stay up all night again to show ‘em you ain’t no fool.

(Starring the great Theodore Lewis of!)

Top Stories

flintstones DC's New 'Flintstones' Comic Is a Brilliant Social Satire—Yes, Really
'Gritty reboot of The Flintstones' sounds like a recipe for disaster, but the new DC comic is unexpectedly brilliant.
desierto trailer Jonás Cuarón on Using Trump's Anti-Immigrant Speech to Illustrate 'Desierto'
In Jonás Cuarón's 'Desierto,' the terror is real.
Realtime map of social media activity Dozens of Police-Spying Tools Remain After Facebook, Twitter Crack Down on Geofeedia
Geofeedia is out, but there are plenty of other surveillance platforms to choose from.

The Daily Dot Bazaar

sexy geeky costumes 35 sexy Halloween costumes for nerds
Let your geek flag fly.
scrabble lights These Scrabble letter lights will say whatever you want
All words count in this game.
pizza stone Pizza stones will change your life, and this one's 45 percent off today
Perfect pizzas are priceless, really.
marvel legends cosplay, captain america, iron man, costumes High-quality Marvel cosplay is 20 percent off right now
Take your Team Cap vs. Team Iron Man arguments to a whole new level.
Pumpkin teeth These creepy pumpkin teeth are the best Halloween decor you can get for $6
Carving pumpkins just got easier...and creepier.