Just when all the buzz over Chipotle’s Pixar-ish polemic against industrial farming had begun to subside, we get this on YouTube: a simply jaw-dropping music video epic about the microwaveable semi-food known as Hot Pockets, with a cast featuring Kate Upton, Snoop Dogg, Oliver Cooper, Bow Wow, and KevJumba. Oh, and Larry King.

The video simultaneously launches a new Twitterfied ad campaign while parodying Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend” (as “You Got What I Eat”) and pandering repeatedly to horny male stoners. Upton lip-syncs and pretends that a supermodel would ever come within 50 yards of a Hot Pocket, while Snoop is presented as the proprietor of the Sky High Bakery, a cloudy or perhaps smoky corner of heaven where he gives Hot Pockets their signature “golden, buttery crust,” all enhanced with his freshly grown herbs. Yeah.

With a wisp of plot that takes us into Upton’s Hot Pocket–triggered dreams and through the world of Minecraft and Victorian piano lounges by way of spaceships, introducing us to some kind of butcher-ninja as well as... a guy in a plush Hot Pockets costume, it really does seem like the marketing team here took everything Americans are supposed to love right now, threw it in a blender, and hit “purée.” So is it any surprise that when it’s finally over—and it does feel endless—we’re told to tweet whether we’re on #TEAMCRUST or #TEAMMEAT? Guys, relax, they’re Hot Pockets. I’d be happy just to hold one down.

Photo via hotpocketsbrand/YouTube